Rita Update

Howdy all from hurricane Rita central…

Just a quick note for all of you who have been sending emails, off liners and phone messages; all is good here as of 4:30 p.m. central. We haven’t seen anything as of yet except for an increase of winds and a few lawn chairs& trash cans drifting in the middle of the street. We have lost cell service and from what the news is saying it might be a few days or so. Who knows!!

I am highly impressed with my mayor Bill White, who has been on top of things and pretty much has just braced Houston and the surrounding areas for the worst case scenario. So, I’m hunkered down, supplied like a MOFO and have the company of my two closest friends, who have already as of noon today started drinking margaritas, with a little extra Rita added.

As of right now, all hell could break loose, the news just announced that now is when we will all be seeing the start of the tornados which could continue for the next 26-35 hours (even when the hurricane passes). So, I have gotten in the sport of it all, we all decided to dress up in our camouflage gear, including those lovely camouflage boots and take our signs we made (saying BRING ON RITA’S AND DON’T FORGET THE SALT) and go stand outside with all my other dumb ass neighbors and just wait for all hell to break loose.

I will have to make a few jokes here (inserts here)… first, I have to laugh at my sexy neighbor guy who lives across from me. He’s been outside all day in nothing more than a pair of shorts and work boots cutting boards out for his windows. Both my girlfriends staying here are all goo-goo eyed over him and have been in and out of the house running over to his house standing in the yard offering anything, services included I’m assuming, to help him out. I did go over there for a few minutes to just tell him to give both of my girlfriends a hard time (which he laughed at).

Second, there is an elderly couple who live next to me; Mr.& Mrs. gun freaks, who, I think have something really up their sleeves, have been also outside yelling at each other and the wife keeps telling him she’s going to bury his ass in the backyard. I’ve always thought these two were like old mafia or something, cause they BE WACKED! And if he turns up missing, I know the old lady did something!! But on a lighter note, he’s a complete jack ass, so hell, maybe I’ll help her out! JUST JOKING!

Third, both girls will be drunk by 8 no doubt about it, they are already sloshed and it’s been funny to watch both of them ON THE MAN PROWL! I mean we have a hurricane in our face, and both of them just want to get laid. I think I’ll be playing clean up more in house than outside if they both start getting sick as a dog, which I know one of them loves to toss her cookies with Tequila.

Fourth, I actually am pretty happy I decided to stay instead of leave. I am sooooo frigggen happy that I did not even get in that huge traffic mess of 3 million people with a average speed of 1-2 miles per hour. There are still several people stranded on the freeways here and I could not even possibly constipate sitting in a car during an event like this.

This will be my 6th hurricane that I’ve been threw. I think that is why everyone wanted to come stay here cause they all know MY ASS, no matter what, WILL BE PREPARED!!

Anywhoooooo, I got to leave for a bit and go check out the neighbors who are making a ton of noise outside, I can hear a radio blaring some KID ROCK!!

Zotty out……