Learning to let go…
One of the hardest things in life to do is to learn how to let someone go. It’s easier said than done, most of the time, you’re taking advice from friends or family members who have shared similar experiences; but bottom line is that you have to learn the experience on your own. Experience the situation at hand with no one leading you there. You and you alone.
When you share years with a person, through the good times and bad, it’s hard to just call it quits, especially when both parties are not in agreement. When one person decides to walk away for what ever the reason may be, it’s truly a face slap to the recipient. Along with the person who decided to walk away, it’s hard on them as well, questioning motive, questioning themselves, their action or actions, the reasoning behind it and always the famous “what if” syndrome.
People come into our lives for a reason, maybe a season or for a lifetime. When you can identify which of the three it may be, you will have a better understanding on how to deal with the situation.
When someone is in your life for a reason, its’ usually an underlined desire to meet a need that you have expressed, verbally or emotionally. The person may have been brought into our life to assist you through a difficult time, or provide you with guidance and support or even to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually. They are there for the reason you needed them to be. Then, without any warning, quick as it came on; the relationship comes to an end. It could be a death, or a fight or even just someone walking away, forcing you to take a stand. What must be realized is that our need actually has been met, our desire fulfilled and we must move on from the situation.
Some people come into your life for a season. It’s your turn to share, grow and learn. Experience of peace of mind and laugher is what is brought out of it. You may even learn something new or do something that might once have been a fear. This type of person typically brings an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe in it; believe it for it is real; but only for a season.
A lifetime relationship teaches you a lifetime of lessons, things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. You must accept the lesson, love the person and put what you have learned to good use in all other relationships or areas in our lives. It is said that love is blind but friendships are clairvoyant.
What makes a person want to quit on a relationship? It could be something as easy as how the person is, something deep rooted within there personality, maybe someone who can’t be with someone very long, to a variety of other things, such as timing, family, friends, culture, past experiences, possible future experiences, behavior, function skills, attitude, overwhelming thoughts or regrets, custom of life style and living, social differences, trust, bond, sex appeal, sexual habits, frustration, religion, believe systems, economic, deep fears of rejection, lost of feelings, lost of love, safety, threatening personalities, right down to the most common, they have just lost the connection between the person.
It takes a strong person to just walk away from it all. Most people are in very comfortable lifestyles, with people who are from their inner circle or most from similar back grounds. But up and walking away from someone, for what ever the reason maybe, is hard for both parties. When one of the parties in the relationship decides it’s time to quit, it’s no easy task. Several situations include having to “tally up” who is getting what material belongs, such as in a divorce situation. For others, it’s breaking the emotional bond they once shared. Even though one person may be leaving, there still is a bond that was formed, mostly made in comfort. Walking away from your comfort level is one hell of a task, but in doing so; you can learn a great deal of yourself, your situation and the environment your surroundings.
For what ever reason the person chooses, in the beginning it seems unbearable. The rush of feelings will over take you at times, making you question the process, making you question if you are doing the right thing. You will go threw all the emotions, love, anger, fear, sorrow, joy, lust, disgust, acceptance, anticipation, surprise, self-pity, hate, envy, anger, regret, sadness, joy, remembrance, frustration, torture, humiliation and questionable doubt to just name a few. However how long these feelings may last, some longer than others, some feelings lingering for years, there is no right or wrong for feeling any of these.
Does taking everyone who you’ve ever known’s advice come into account or is it just polite to nod your head and agree rather than explaining how your personal situation was different. So rather getting into details, just agree to not disclose and move on with the frustration of it all. This is a question that is separated by sexes it seems, since most women have to ‘talk it to death’ and men typically give a short version and hold feelings inward.
I can personally say that I’ve fallen into all of the categories, feelings, emotions, along being the destroyer or demolisher of the relationship more times than I’d personally like to account for. Rarely in my past, have I given any satisfaction of anyone having the “upper hand” on laying clam on ending things. I think most people can account themselves to be the destroyer. It’s a emotional mechanism that is triggered when we feel vulnerable or helpless in a situation.
It takes all emotions to deal with the simplest things, once the decision has been made. And knowing who you are as a person helps you deal with the situation even farther. Now, it’s about continuing to grown as a person, venturing out of our shell, taking the steps to move forward and learn to let go of the past. The ones we cared for in our past, teach us to love again tomorrow.
The question at hand seems to still be left at, do we let go and experience the emotions at hand or do we bend into temptation and continue with the same issues arising knowing that the relationship should have ended. To some, staying is believing things will work out, even if it should be decades away. To others, taking the leap of faith and going through the emotions of letting go, making a choice to weather the storm, knowing in the long run, there is a life after letting go and moving on with your life.
It’s been said to know love is to know one’s self. Love can be inviting, enchanting, alluring but TO BE IN love can be breathtaking, captivating, spectacular and emotional heart wrenching. You may love a million times over, in your life time; but the one you are truly in love with may only come once. And to know one’s self, know the answer to which the person was to you.
Though your time may have come and passed you by for now, remember again if it’s the reason, was it the season or was it a lifetime.
PkS 2009 ©
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