When ever you see danger lurking around… Don’t run, just stop and ask it for directions.
When you feel like your going insane….Take a deep breath, close your eyes and think of Michael Jackson kissing you. (Now you will just be sick to your stomach, not going insane)
When a telemarketer calls you… Tell them that you are interested in listening to them, but you are presently busy taking a shit.
When you want to get someone back… Just call their local pizza place and order 25 large pizzas for delivery. (Make sure you *67 so they don’t have your phone number)
When ever you feel like you are going to puck… Look up, close your eyes and grab your tit and pinch. (Let me know how good it felt later)
